To most people, a beautiful woman will seemingly have unlimited options when it comes to dating and relationships with men.These women are always pursued by all kinds of men – the confident, kind hearted, successful, charming, and wealthy men to the mean, distant, full of attitude bad boys and everyone else in between.
Now, most people would think that the rich, resourceful, good-looking, adorable and charming guys would get the pretty girls, right? And they do, for the most part but some attractive women do not want to date nor even be around these types of guys.Or, should I clarify, they like the nice guys on camera and on paper but when in action, they choose the bad-boy types.These bad boys are typically distant, disrespectful, extremely indifferent and have a bad attitude.
Now, I know what you are thinking. I used to the type of guy that thought this couldn’t be true. Why would they do something like this? But the answer is rather sand yet simple – attractive women like these kinds of guys because of their upbringing. They are accustomed to these guys due to their personality and the lived experience they have accumulated over time. These bad guys make them feel at ease. They bring back memories, comfort and solace to them due to their parents, relatives, friends and extended family.
These women ruminate in their feelings of never good enough, being inadequate, and having low priority in their family’s lives. These feelings, although uncomfortable at times, also feel familiar and that is why they have come to like it because familiarity brings ease, comfort and relief.
Thus, these men that are emotionally distant, disrespectful, inconsistent yet can love and care for them SOMETIMES bring back these wanted feelings. As we are all creatures of habit; we get used to feelings – whether negative or positive and we will ruminate in them.
These men put these women on an emotional rollercoaster with the highs and lows. The highs can be really high, such as eloping and disappearing from the world to the really lows such as being locked in a room for days and cut off from the rest of the world. This can be exciting to these women because the highs can be switched with the lows the same or next day. You will also get the highs of being seldom loved and the lows of being treated like shit (almost always). What keeps these women yearning is the chance to prove herself – if she can only show him then the three words will come out of his mouth, “I love you” and everything will be okay.
These women feel due to their past experiences (i.e. parents and loved ones) that these bad-boy types are the archetype of someone who will look after them.
The fact is, children need to grow up in an environment where they are loved and cherished. But, when they do not, the attractive woman that looks for love in all the wrong places is sometimes what spawns.
The lack of love will drive her to desperately try to win the bad-boy’s approval and attention. This results into a repeated pattern in each and every one of her toxic relationships with the bag boys.
The men that truly treat her well can only give her the highs and she will start to crave the dark and dangerous lows. These kind and caring men don’t fulfill her wants and needs – they are not familiar to her. For some, they are even weird, something is wrong with THEM for ALWAYS being nice and kind because relationships to her don’t work like that.
When this woman meets men that are emotionally un-available, distant, and rude, it triggers a swelling desire to win the attention of these men.
When these men treat her like crap it brings in the lows. Yet, when he shows a bit of affection, it will bring in the high and the emotional rollercoaster resumes – she will feel deep satisfaction, contentment, solace and comfort in this familiar feeling.
This is the familiarity she feels she craves because this is what she was accustomed to as a child. She is finally enough again and thinks this is what “love” means.
A. The GOOD SIDE of why the nice guys fail:
- A nice guy may not get the girl because he is socially awkward.
- He may not get the girl because his approach was wrong.
- Although the nice guy and good looking he may lack confidence and she can sense that.
- He may not get the girl because she frankly looks at assets rather than focusing on looks and personality
- Although the nice guy is good looking he may lack confidence and she can sense that.
B. The DARK SIDE of why the nice guys fail:
- The good boys can’t offer the rollercoaster of love and instability. She craves the highs and lows of this emotional roller-coaster that spills out into the physical.
- She yearns for the guy who is so distant – he hangs up on her, he tells her off, it is a coin flip whether or not he will actually show up
- The bad boy will randomly show up, he will be nice until he just explodes on her randomly such as a landmine.
- The bad boys will discard her coldly, they don’t care. Until they come around again.
- The bad boys can give bruises, begonias and black eyes, the good boys can’t
- The nice guys offer warmth and kindness without the rage
- The nice boys can’t offer the emotional roller-coaster because they truly care
- The good guys offer a long-term healthy relationship – they can’t offer fear, jealousy, insecurity, anger, and violent physicality
- They good guys can’t offer a real dreadful surprise and serious danger
- The good guy is predictable – the rent or mortgage will be paid, the electricity bill isn’t past due, the car notes and credit card bills are current
- There is no middle of the night moves due to past due rent like the bad boys would do it.
- The good guy is enough and safe and that is why he will never be enough for her
WHY THE BAD GUY DATES THE BEAUTIFUL BROKEN GIRL:
The bad guy wasn’t born, he was made. He was made from a hard house-hold where he struggled, was under-fed and never taken care of.
He has come to be selfish and indifferent to people because that is exactly how he survives. He likes who he is – all his life he has seen guys just like him survive. The weak guys were trusting, caring, loving and kind. Where he comes from, guys that act, talk, think and look like him are the only ones that survive.
He grew up to be tough because he only sees one type of love and this love parallels the same tough love his mother gave him when growing up. He despises the nice and caring kind of love. He wants the kind that of love that is cold; where he will be beaten relentlessly one day and the other, he is given gifts and hugs. Now, he has come to know and trust that as what he needs.
He hates the feeling of traditional love because he isn’t accustomed to it. In fact, it isn’t hate, he fears it because he thinks that will make him weak. And the weak ones don’t survive, remember? This unfamiliar love and caring that people try and give to him is just scary.
He loves that the beautiful girl dislikes that gushy love just like he does. He loves that the beautiful girl is in sync with his feelings that rotate between self loathing to self love. He loves that the beautiful girl doesn’t rat on him due to the black eyes and bruised flesh, just like how his mom used to do.
He is cold, insincere and distant as an amalgamation of his upbringing. That is why the bad guy does what he does to the beautiful girl for she is just a mirrored reflection of him and his own upbringing.
Over-all, this is what a man and a woman can become if left neglected by their parent(s).